I’ve gone round and round preaching the benefits of Magnesium. Anyone who’s been around me these last 36 months, can attest to that!

Maybe it’s a Mayan thing, having been inspired by the “2012 Armageddon,” but I’m shifting my professional focus and I’ve decided to teach you how to get sick! Yeah, you read that right. But please don’t despair, should you NOT want to get sick, then please, just DON’T do what I recommend — are we clear on that premise?…
First, the good news. Here are some key trends indicating that my strategy is on solid ground: we’re getting sicker, faster in America:

• Despite spending $32B/year on statins, the rate of Coronary Heart Disease (CHD) has continued to grow at an accelerating rate since 1983 – up 85%;
• Even though we’re ingesting a mere 160 lbs of sugar/person each year, a modest increase from 3 lbs/person/year in Colonial days, the rate of Diabetes has now increased only 300% in the past twenty years; and
• Even though we’re swimming in dietary and supplementary Calcium, the rate of being diagnosed for Osteoporosis in America during the period 1984-1993 grew 700%. (No, that is NOT a typo…) More current date is not available.

Now the bad news, we must do more!

If we are to sustain the stratospheric Ca/Mg ratio (the ratio of Calcium to Magnesium in our diet) that is fueling the alarming increase in disease as noted above, we simply must take more aggressive measures to drive this imbalance even greater.  The fact that science and medicine have known intimately about the devastating impact of too much Calcium – since the ‘30’s! – need not enter into your thought process or day-to-day dietary decision-making.

Keep in mind, for 3.5 million years early humans’ diet was an ideal 1:1 balance of Calcium to Magnesium. But starting about 100 years ago, our food started to change, in large part due to refining, the advent of commercial farming, the introduction of thousands of food additives, and the prevalence of carbohydrate-rich grains & carbonated drinks. As only America could, we have now created a dietary Ca/Mg ratio of almost 5:1. Yes, a 500% increase is a good start, but not nearly enough, especially if we’re going to keep building bigger and more expensive hospitals. We must all do our part — OK?
But before we start, two ground rules for this sickening recipe: First, please ignore the thousands of articles, compiled and written following decades and decades of scientific research on the impact, and the import, that Magnesium deficiency (i.e. an outrageously high Ca/Mg ratio…) has on our health. Most notable are: Guy E. Abraham, Jerry K. Aikawa, Bella T. and Burton M. Altura, Thomas W. Anderson, Jean Durlach, Ronald J. Elin, Ka He, Heikki Karppenan, Fred A. Kummerow, Kiang Liu, Lawrence J. Resnick, Andrea Rosanoff, Robert K. Rude, H.A. Schroeder, Mildred S. Seelig, K.C. Thrivikraman, Edmund B. Flink, Kenji Ueshima, and Federica I. Wolf, to name but a few. These luminaries, and dozens of other gifted Magnesium researchers, are just a bunch of losers who simply won’t quit whining about the need for “Mo’ Maggie!”

Secondly, simply ignore the overwhelming facts about Magnesium’s pivotal role in the human body. Please, pay no attention to the fact that Magnesium is a key catalytic agent/co-factor for over 700-800 enzymes that are responsible for thousands of metabolic processes in the body — accounting for over 80% of the physiological transactions that occur 24/7 throughout your body. Most notable are the following:

• Energy creation, transfer, storage and use (via Mg-ATP)
• Facilitating the synthesis of nucleic acids (DNA & RNA)
• Activating Enzymes for Protein, Carbohydrate and Fat metabolism
• Maintenance of normal cell membrane function and cellular mineral balance
• All enzymatic processes using ATP as an energy source (700+ recorded enzymes)
• Systematic blood pressure control & peripheral vascular resistance
• Regulation of the Parathyroid Gland (key to Bone Health & proper Bone Matrix)
• Hormone creation and secretion throughout the Endocrine system
• Nervous tissue conduction
• Neuromuscular excitability and relaxation
• Muscle relaxation following contraction triggered by Maggie’s antagonist: Calcium
• Regulation of body temperature
• Proper arterial function and prevention of inflammation; and
• Systemic detoxification via Glutathione and Thiol Pathways

It is certainly understandable why 92% of physicians, when recently surveyed by the AMA never think to measure Magnesium status in their patients.

Hey, let’s stay on point here! We all know that, as a nation, we have a stunning Calcium deficiency, right? I mean, why else would our bones keep breaking? It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with deficiencies of Magnesium, Boron, Vitamin-K, saturated fats, Vitamin-C, protein levels or a dozen other key nutrients in our diet. Given that our shared national objective seems to be to increase illness, at all cost, let’s all adopt the attitude of the winning Presidential campaign of 1922: “Keep cool with Cal(cium)…” And the best way to do that is to elevate our Ca/Mg ratio, wherever possible, in our day-to-day lifestyle habits.

So here’s my Top 10 List to make sure our bodily Ca/Mg ratio continues its historic, apparently unchecked, inflationary spiral, and thereby ensure we attain the highest levels of chronic disease on the planet, as well as in the history of humanity:

1.       Please set your alarm, but for as late in the morning as you possibly can. There’s no better way to start your day than in a total panic, thereby expending what little Magnesium (Mg) remains following a restless night’s sleep. Drag yourself out of bed, get a nice HOT shower, and be sure to brush your teeth with a brand name toothpaste. This post-slumber combo will flood your body with toxic halogens (Chlorine gas and Fluoride), which are amazing at binding up Mg, thereby making it perfectly bio-unavailable.

2.       Befriend your nearest Starbuck’s Barista. The really caring ones will sell you a Trenta (31oz) brimming with the strongest coffee on the planet. No kidding! This is an amazing way to fuel the start of your day. Given that your Mg levels are lowest ~7am, this will flood your body with a Tsunami of caffeine, triggering an unstoppable adrenaline rush, and then wash what little Mg remains during your non-stop trips to the bathroom. Don’t stress about this – it’s automatic!

3.       If possible, on your congested commute to work, please call your spouse, your best friend, your neighbor, or whomever, and pick a fight about some minor, but annoying, habit that they’ve got. This added emotional tension will really get your stress alarm signals firing. Remember, the less Mg we have (see #1 & #2 above) to tap into, the better for our soaring Ca/Mg strategy. Now, the slightest provocation will set us off, which will only accelerate our stress hormone response, and further speed the Mg loss. Don’t you just love these endless negative feedback loops? Best of all, they’re all over the body.

4.       Now, right about 10am, just when your blood sugar is heading toward the sub-basement, please start your carbo-loading for the day — the more refined, the better. This inevitable sugar spike will necessitate an Insulin spike, which then requires a Mg spike to store all that excess glucose flooding your body. As your body becomes increasingly overwhelmed with these edible food-like substances, the Mg loss will only accelerate.

5.       Ah, it’s lunchtime! But be careful. No nuts or seeds, no whole grains, and please, no greens, especially kale or spinach. Again, given that our goal is to ramp up the Ca/Mg ratio, please eat the following: a) a cheese sandwich on white bread, b) some non-fat yogurt with “fruit” (a.k.a. sugar) on the bottom, and c) a glass of skim milk. Here’s how this simple meal contributes to our skyrocketing ratio of Ca/Mg:

a)      Milk                 =             7 : 1 (That’s 7 parts Calcium to 1 part Magnesium…)

b)      Yogurt             =           11 : 1

c)       Cheese           =           26 : 1

d)    Organic Corn =        54:1

e)    Antacids        =        300:1

Now if possible, and this is important, please try to repeat this meal every day! Remember, the more habitual your diet, the better your chances for developing a food allergy, which will then add to the growing stressors on your body, thereby further depleting your Mg stores. Oh, and I almost forgot, the best part about bulking up on these dairy products is that they use a synthetic form of Vitamin-D3 (cholecalciferol) which has been tested in numerous research studies and is known to increase Calcium and deplete Magnesium – no worries, it’s automatic! And by all means, DO NOT use any Vitamin-K2 (esp. MK-4) as this will only ensure that Calcium is put back into the bone, thus driving down our Ca/Mg ratio!

6.       It’s now almost 2pm. At this point in the day, chances are good that, either you have a headache or a stomach ache, or likely both. By all means, pop some OTC drugs — the more popular, the better. The NSAIDs and/or the Proton-pump Inhibitors are awesome for our “No Mg” strategy. In fact, they are among at least 14 classes of drugs that are specifically designed to deplete your body of Mg. (Please, read that sentence again, slooooowly…) And given that Ca and Mg work in a seesaw fashion in your body, when one goes down (i.e. Mg), it’s a lock that the other goes up (i.e. Ca)! Yes! And you never even saw that one coming in your daily rituals, now did you?…

7.       OK, we’ve made it through that incredibly boring and/or stressful meeting at work, now it’s snack time!~! Let’s really bring “Maggie” to her knees… Please follow this step very carefully: chow down on any kind of processed, packaged snack, ideally cooked in partially hydrogenated vegetable oil – my favorite is potato chips!– and swig down a diet soda. The chips, due to the trans fatty acids, are perfectly designed to stimulate Ca growth (a.k.a. calcification and arterial plaque) and deplete Mg levels inside your artery walls and the HFCS (please forgive me, the newly named: “Corn Sugars”) are known to bind up your cellular Mg due to the excess fructose sugars. Wow, how sweeet is that?!?

8.       It’s been a tough day – but you still need a good workout! Let’s really go for it — hard cardio for 30-40 min. There’s nothing better than an intense workout at the end of the day to completely drain the Mg in your heart and muscle tissues. Now for you aerobophiles keep in mind that it’s Mg that enables ATP to release that Phosphorous atom and thereby create “energy!” The more intense the workout, the more ATP that’s needed, and thus the more Mg that must get expended. If possible, please keep running until you totally cramp up, as this is the perfect sign of near total Mg depletion. And when you’re done, please re-hydrate with one of the more popular “sport drinks,” but be sure that it has tons of sugar (as most do) and NO Mg — which they ALL have missing! The last thing we want at this point is metabolic “recovery!” Btw, the sugar serves as a perfect diuretic, and keeping those muscles cramped up only adds to our rising Ca/Mg ratio…

9.       Thank heavens! Now we can finally eat our BIG meal for the day! And given how stressful today has been, don’t we deserve a treat? Never mind that it’s getting late (likely after 9pm, if you do this correctly), so let’s have something really yummy, but fast! My sincere recommendation: a triple cheese (low-fat, of course) deep-dish pizza (with refined crust), and wash it down with some wine and/or beer. Ditto on the cheese and refined crust, and just know that there’s no better diuretic on the planet than alcohol — the fastest sugar there is. It totally drains your Mg levels — trust me on that one. And then let’s top it off with some ice cream — Yes! More dairy, and even more sugar… You know, it’s almost too easy driving our Ca/Mg ratio to the Moon, wouldn’t you agree?

10.   And finally, please stay up, as late as humanly possible – just ignore that fact that you’re totally exhausted. After all, you just ate your biggest meal a couple of hours ago, and it needs to digest! Again, whatever you can do to maintain this heightened state of sympathetic overdrive will be key: surf the web endlessly, watch an adrenalin-crazed movie, or stay up with Dave, then Conan, etc. And if you do this right, and I’m confident you will, all that sugar and electronic stimulation will totally disrupt your sleep pattern, thus raising your key stress hormone, Cortisol. Just know, there’s no better way to zap Mg in your body than through chronic stress, and thus chronically elevated Cortisol levels.

Wow! Not bad, for just a single day’s work! Aren’t you exhausted just thinking about this right about now? And while I know it’s tempting, please NO Magnesium supplements! If you must, go ahead, but please make sure that the Mg supplements used are as synthetic, and as inorganic, as possible. Again, please stay focused! Our goal here is to MAXimize the Ca/Mg ratio, right? Using a restorative Mg product that has clinically-proven, superior absorption properties, especially one from a perfectly formulated and chelated product like di-magnesium malate, is the LAST thing we want in our over-stressed bodies, right?
So, there you have it! 10 easy steps — day, by day. If you do exactly as I suggest, you’ll be sure to get sick, which can only benefit your doctor and hospital – right? Why I’m so confident — I’ll even guarantee it! A migraine today, likely hypertension, a stroke or a heart attack, tomorrow. But if that’s NOT your preference, then you know exactly what NOT to do, right?
Thanks, again, for taking the time to review these “sickening” recommendations. I do hope they help you understand how your lifestyle perfectly supports your never ending quest for lifelong, chronic disease and debilitating ailments. And if we’re both lucky, I’ll be seeing you in the local Emergency Room, assuming that there’s room…

Disclaimer – The contents of this article are based upon the farcically-constructed, but scientifically-based findings of Morley Robbins. He is convinced the American people have been misled… and seriously misfed for the last 60 years about what to think, and more importantly, what to eat, to allegedly stave off disease. These “paradoxical intentions” are meant to wake you up! They are not meant to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Furthermore, shame on you if you think they are intended as “medical advice.” 

Morley encourages you to take responsibility for your own health care decisions based upon inspired research, and in partnership with a qualified health care professional who can think well outside the box of today’s vogue, misguided, biologically-incorrect, but very “politically-correct” medical and dietary recommendations that are fueling the epidemic of chronic disease raging across America and much of the Western world.

While not professionally licensed to “prescribe” a diet or lifestyle in the State of Illinois, or any State for that matter, if he were in your body, he would simply not do any of the ten (10) steps outlined in this “Let’s Get Sick!” article. In closing, Morley is in total agreement with Prof. Pierre Delbet (1861-1957) – “Magnesium should be considered a food and not a drug…” 

Proceed at your own risk… and perfect your own reward.